Harry Potter countdown

these past few days, i've been re-reading the Harry Potter series. i am now reading the Goblet of Fire. hopefully i would finish all the books before the movie and the last book come out. i really can't wait for book 7. right now, it's the only thing that excites me (aside from the movie, of course). Harry Potter is definitely one of the best books ever written because the magic never leaves you even if you read it lots of times. i still laugh at the funny parts and cry when Sirius "disappeared." i still get excited on what would happen next even if i already know it. i really love Harry Potter! 23 more days until book 7...........

my simple life

i really wanted to update this thing a few weeks back, but i was busy reading books and watching Grey's Anatomy on dvd. it has been a long time since i've read a book or watch a very good show. okay, nothing much has been happening in my life. i just busy myself with the summer class in school. the class is every morning from 9am to 12pm. after that, i eat lunch, prepare materials for the next day and for the upcoming school year. when the clock strikes 3pm, i prepare myself to leave. by 330pm, i'm already out of school. i usually arrive home 20 minutes after. then, i spend my time watching dvd's and reading books. my life may seem boring, but i really enjoy it. it's relaxing and simple. my life has been really stressful for the past year. i poured most of my energy on work and studies. my life revolved around those two. i really enjoyed doing both. during my short vacation, i realized that i shouldn't overwork myself. there are other things in life and work is just a part of it. so now that i have lots of time in my hands, i try to do things that i love and just enjoy myself.

i'm feeling so happy!

after more than 2 months, i'm baaacck!!! i didn't go anywhere. i was just busy with the usual stuff. and stupid me, i forgot my blogger username and password so i wasn't able to access my blog for a long time. haha.

there are a lot of things that i want to say. i just don't know where to start. all i know is that I AM VERY HAPPY RIGHT NOW. yes, i can't believe that i'm saying this, but i am. so here are the top 5 reasons why i am happy (in no particular order):

- i was able to finish my practicum in one sem. even before i enrolled, i was already dreading it. i don't know why i cried over it. i guess i was just scared that i might not be able to do well and finish it on time. but i did. and i'm so proud of myself. i was able to finish it while working. even though i had a killer schedule (9am-12pm = work; 1230-430pm = practicum; 5-6pm = tutorial; 6-7pm = break, prepare materials for work the next day; 7-8pm = tutorial), i still did great. and again, i can't believe i'm saying this, but i enjoyed my practicum. even though there were a lot of things to do, i enjoyed it because of my students. now i know that i made a right decision in taking up SPED because i have the skill and heart in teaching children with special needs. and that is something to be happy about.

- another school year has ended. of course, it's sad because i won't be seeing some of my students anymore. but i am happy because they learned from me. so that means i am doing my job well.

- the little family feud with my cousin is over. at last. i really miss talking and hanging out with her. she's one of the few people who could understand and tolerate my weirdness (and vice versa). we grew up together and she has witnessed all my bratty ways but still love me despite of that. FYI: i am the resident brat in our clan. bwahaha!!

- i learned a new language: sign language! yup, i took up a sign language class together with my friends last January until February. we passed the evaluation so we can now do beginner's sign language. we're planning to enroll in the intermediate level this summer. of course, i am still very interested in learning French (for i plan to live and die in France. haha!).

- i was finally able to say goodbye to that someone who has inspired and made me happy during the time when i needed it the most. that person suddenly disappeared from my life without saying goodbye. i was left alone with a crying heart. that person was never mine so there's nothing for me to hold on to except for memories. then one ordinary day, our paths crossed again. we exchanged smiles and a few words. after that, we said goodbye. so now my heart is free again.

of course, there are still other things that make me happy. simple things like waking up in the morning with no worries, seeing my loved ones, happy meals from mcdo, and a whole lot more. i am just really thankful for all these.

Chasing Cars

We'll do it all
Everything
On our own

We don't need
Anything
Or anyone

If I lay here
If I just lay here
Would you lie with me and just forget the world?

I don't quite know
How to say
How I feel

Those three words
Are said too much
They're not enough

If I lay here
If I just lay here
Would you lie with me and just forget the world?

Forget what we're told
Before we get too old
Show me a garden that's bursting into life

Let's waste time
Chasing cars
Around our heads

I need your grace
To remind me
To find my own

If I lay here
If I just lay here
Would you lie with me and just forget the world?

Forget what we're told
Before we get too old
Show me a garden that's bursting into life

All that I am
All that I ever was
Is here in your perfect eyes, they're all I can see

I don't know where
Confused about how as well
Just know that these things will never change for us at all

If I lay here
If I just lay here
Would you lie with me and just forget the world?

* a song by Snow Patrol

happy birthday to me!

i am now officially 23 years old though i don't look and act like one. people say that i still look like a teenager. i still go ga-ga over Disney and kiddie stuff like cartoons and coloring books. but i don't mind. the important thing is i make good decisions on the things i do.

in my last entry, i was having a dilemma over my graduate studies. well, i've decided to go on with it and finish it. i actually found myself enjoying my practicum. though there were times when i got a little stressed, it was still okay. i got over those things anyway. i guess i was just nervous about my practicum. for a while, i doubted myself if i have the skills to teach those special children i handle. but as the days passed by, i realized that i can. all i have to do is to believe that i can do it.

so now, my life is running smoothly again with little bumps on the way. but nevertheless, it is still an enjoyable ride.

happy birthday to me!

early quarter-life crisis

i'll be turning 23 in a few days. but my maturity level won't be growing old with my age because i'm thinking of throwing away a wonderful future for me. i'm talking about my graduate studies. but my parents and the people around me won't let me because they say that i'm almost done with it so why give up now? my parents said it's okay if i would quit my job coz they can support me anyway. but i should not quit my graduate studies because there are a lot of opportunities waiting for me as soon as i get my diploma. she's right. but pursuing it doesn't feel right anymore.

i am really confused. it's not that i hate special ed. i somehow have this feeling that special ed is not for me. i am better off working with regular children. i really enjoy my job so much. i forget all my worries whenever i'm working. but whenever i think of my MA, i feel depressed. i even have this theory that my MA sucked enjoyment out of my life. why? well, i sacrificed some of the things that make me happy for it. i haven't read as much books as i used to. i lost contact with some friends because i was too busy studying. i don't write in my journal anymore coz i have to write research papers instead. i sometimes go home late coz i have a class at night. i am so tired! i'm only in my early twenties, but sometimes i feel like i'm already thirty or forty-something coz i take my life too seriously. i spend so much time working hard on my career and forgetting other important things in life.

one solution i thought of is to take a break. i'll think about what i really want and if i can still go through with it. but when i told my parents about it, they rejected the idea and told me that i should quit my job instead if i feel like i need a break. i know that they only want the best for me. they said i was able to finish 4 years of college so i could also do the same with graduate studies. but i was able to finish college coz i love psychology so much. special ed is not far from psychology, but my heart is not fully in it. so that is why i'm having a hard time to finish it. and my parents don't seem to understand my point.

i know that this is my life and that i am the one who has the final say on what will happen to it. but i just can't ignore my parents' opinion. they know better than i do even if they don't fully know what's in my mind and heart.

so what do i do now?

Uninvited

Like anyone would be
I am flattered by your fascination with me
Like any hot blooded woman
I have simply wanted an object to crave
But you're not allowed
You're uninvited
An unfortunate slight

Must be strangely exciting
To watch the stoic squirm
Must be somewhat heartening
To watch shepard meet shepard
But you're not allowed
You're uninvited
An unfortunate slight

Like any uncharted territory
I must seem greatly intriguing
You speak of my love like
You have experienced like mine before
But this is not allowed
You're uninvited
An unfortunate slight

I don't think you unworthy
I need a moment to deliberate

* a song by alanis

just passing...

i haven't visited this blog since the last time i updated it. i was busy with my requirements in school. also, the thoughts that were running through my head for the past couple of weeks were things i would rather keep between me and my private journal. so what could those thoughts be? hmm... well, those thoughts made me throw my cell phone on the floor which is some thing i never did. it didn't break to my huge relief. yeah, i know what i did was crazy. however, i would rather let my journal keep the secret to itself. but every thing is ok now with me. i'm normal. i'm happy. it was just a phase i went through.