i am now officially 23 years old though i don't look and act like one. people say that i still look like a teenager. i still go ga-ga over Disney and kiddie stuff like cartoons and coloring books. but i don't mind. the important thing is i make good decisions on the things i do.
in my last entry, i was having a dilemma over my graduate studies. well, i've decided to go on with it and finish it. i actually found myself enjoying my practicum. though there were times when i got a little stressed, it was still okay. i got over those things anyway. i guess i was just nervous about my practicum. for a while, i doubted myself if i have the skills to teach those special children i handle. but as the days passed by, i realized that i can. all i have to do is to believe that i can do it.
so now, my life is running smoothly again with little bumps on the way. but nevertheless, it is still an enjoyable ride.
happy birthday to me!
Sunday, December 17, 2006
Monday, December 04, 2006
early quarter-life crisis
i'll be turning 23 in a few days. but my maturity level won't be growing old with my age because i'm thinking of throwing away a wonderful future for me. i'm talking about my graduate studies. but my parents and the people around me won't let me because they say that i'm almost done with it so why give up now? my parents said it's okay if i would quit my job coz they can support me anyway. but i should not quit my graduate studies because there are a lot of opportunities waiting for me as soon as i get my diploma. she's right. but pursuing it doesn't feel right anymore.
i am really confused. it's not that i hate special ed. i somehow have this feeling that special ed is not for me. i am better off working with regular children. i really enjoy my job so much. i forget all my worries whenever i'm working. but whenever i think of my MA, i feel depressed. i even have this theory that my MA sucked enjoyment out of my life. why? well, i sacrificed some of the things that make me happy for it. i haven't read as much books as i used to. i lost contact with some friends because i was too busy studying. i don't write in my journal anymore coz i have to write research papers instead. i sometimes go home late coz i have a class at night. i am so tired! i'm only in my early twenties, but sometimes i feel like i'm already thirty or forty-something coz i take my life too seriously. i spend so much time working hard on my career and forgetting other important things in life.
one solution i thought of is to take a break. i'll think about what i really want and if i can still go through with it. but when i told my parents about it, they rejected the idea and told me that i should quit my job instead if i feel like i need a break. i know that they only want the best for me. they said i was able to finish 4 years of college so i could also do the same with graduate studies. but i was able to finish college coz i love psychology so much. special ed is not far from psychology, but my heart is not fully in it. so that is why i'm having a hard time to finish it. and my parents don't seem to understand my point.
i know that this is my life and that i am the one who has the final say on what will happen to it. but i just can't ignore my parents' opinion. they know better than i do even if they don't fully know what's in my mind and heart.
so what do i do now?
i am really confused. it's not that i hate special ed. i somehow have this feeling that special ed is not for me. i am better off working with regular children. i really enjoy my job so much. i forget all my worries whenever i'm working. but whenever i think of my MA, i feel depressed. i even have this theory that my MA sucked enjoyment out of my life. why? well, i sacrificed some of the things that make me happy for it. i haven't read as much books as i used to. i lost contact with some friends because i was too busy studying. i don't write in my journal anymore coz i have to write research papers instead. i sometimes go home late coz i have a class at night. i am so tired! i'm only in my early twenties, but sometimes i feel like i'm already thirty or forty-something coz i take my life too seriously. i spend so much time working hard on my career and forgetting other important things in life.
one solution i thought of is to take a break. i'll think about what i really want and if i can still go through with it. but when i told my parents about it, they rejected the idea and told me that i should quit my job instead if i feel like i need a break. i know that they only want the best for me. they said i was able to finish 4 years of college so i could also do the same with graduate studies. but i was able to finish college coz i love psychology so much. special ed is not far from psychology, but my heart is not fully in it. so that is why i'm having a hard time to finish it. and my parents don't seem to understand my point.
i know that this is my life and that i am the one who has the final say on what will happen to it. but i just can't ignore my parents' opinion. they know better than i do even if they don't fully know what's in my mind and heart.
so what do i do now?
Subscribe to:
Posts (Atom)
